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» 20 years old |
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» 20 years old |
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I never thought it'd be possible to find someone again/ I searched long and hard for someone I didn't know /Instead of my best friend...Marg I'm normally not the kind of person to get all depressed over Valentine's Day when I have no boyfriend, well, unless I have a reason to like finding out I'm going to be dumped. But that's another story. So anyway. Normally, I'm not. But today just sucks. And it's not even Valentine's day yet. I'm also not the kind of person who believes in getting bad luck on Friday the 13th which is happens to be today. But as I said, today sucks. Why? Because nothing went right. And I feel so alone and sad. I just want to go to a movie with Nora and Juj and then have a sleepover. I just wish I could hang out with my girl friends. I just wish it could be like last year. Last year was nice I got 6 flowers from people, candy and presents, and I danced with 5 guys at the Valentine's Day dance. Last year was great. This year, not so great. I don't get anything first of all. I have no boyfriend. Which wouldn't normally be that bad except that all my good friends are guys. I see all these single girls hanging out with their best friends and giving each other presents and it makes me sad. It's not that I don't try to find good girlfriends, I just can't find any that I would want to spend time with all the time. Maybe I'm setting the bar too high? But really I just don't like any of them. The girls at my school are either really into books and smarts and learning, and I'm not one to make fun of people, but they're dorks, or the girls are like perfect body, wear lots of makeup, perfect hair, nice boobs barbie type girls. And it's really annoying because I talk with girls, but I can never find one that I would like. I don't really know what I'm saying here. It always sounds so much better in my head. I'm just sad. My mom was driving me home from the bus stop today and I said something about wanting Chinese food, blah blah blah and was complaining how we haven't had any. Anyway my mom and I said some stuff and she said somthing like "I'm this close to walking" ( as in walking out of the house leaving my brother and father and I). I guess that's what really made me sad. I know she never would, because she would never do that to my family and because I know she loves my dad. Why? Because she told me just the other day. Sometimes she gets really stressed out and annoyed with all of us and she gets like that. My family is never what I would think of dysfunctional, and my parents are never what I would think of of being on the verge of divorce, but it just worries me sometimes. I don't think I could handle it, if it happened. Which it probably won't, so there's no use in worrying about it, but, ugh. So if you just skipped through all of that and wondering why I am sad, these are the reasons: 1. My mom said something about walking out. 2. I have no boyfriend. 3. I didn't get anything from anyone. 4. Two years ago on V-day, I found out that Peter was going to dump me. 5. My best friends live 500 miles away. I need girl friends. that's it. I'll write something happy and interesting later. Whenever. Sorry for being sad. |