 |
 |
|
» 20 years old |
 |
|
%%buddy list%% |
|
|
|
|
|
» 20 years old |
|
|
|
%%buddy list%% |
 |
|
I'm definitely shaking*the silence isn't breaking*backwashed and stranded memories*of something I thought I could be...Marg March 3... I just had the sudden urge to write. And to write a lot. I'm not really sure what I'm going to write about though. I often come up with tons of things in my head while they are happening of what to write about later, or tell someone, but I never remember. I think so many things during the day that it would be so hard to write everything down. Of course once I start writing I don't know what to say. I realize that that my life is boring and uneventful. I realize that I am empty. I am void of any emotion besides anger and sadness. I realize that I don't belong anywhere. And I don't belong with anyone except myself. I worry that I am doomed to be alone. Forever. Ridiculous, isn't it? I'm only 14 1/2 years old. I just feel so alone sometimes. I didn't used to get this feeling. I feel like I don't belong here and if I were to pack up and leave to go anywhere I really wouldn't care. And all I want to be right now is on my own. But completely on my own. Living on my own. I want to do that so bad. The next day I saved this as a word document because I usually accidently click on a banner or something and lose everything. So I'll just finish up my entry now. Today was a pretty good day, and pretty good things happened. Nothing special. I feel really bad for Jamie. Danny is such an asshole. But I really don't need to get into that. I spent a whole summer pining over him. That's long enough. and if the tempo was lousy it was lost on all but you... Recently at night, I've been lying awake wondering just how we got here. Everything seems so normal during the day with people, but when I'm lying alone in the dark it seems so weird. Everything about us. Our world. Life. What will happen to us when we die? (Well, I don't believe in hell, but I'm not sure about heaven...) Is there a God? ( I like to think there is...) Which religion is right? ( I think in the end, we'll either all be wrong, or little parts of every religion are true ) Does everything happen for a reason? ( It really seems that way sometimes...) What is to become of me? ( We can only find out...) but i thought that this meant something more than broken hearts and new addictions... I don't really have anything to write about. No entries professing love or hate or anything like that. I am emotionless. And what I have I don't want. And what I want I can't have. I suppose I am being a bit melodramatic. It really isn't that bad. I just wish it were better. The same. As before. I just wish that I could have suspended that moment for just a little longer. I keep playing memories over and over in my head, wondering if maybe I'll have some more memories to top that. I keep playing them over and over in my head pretending they're still real. But they're not and I have to get over that. It's not easy to get over something that you tried to hard not to let go. And this is the chance. I never got to make a move. But we just talk about the people we've met in the last 5 years. And will we remember them in ten more? |